is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
