there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
