Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
