beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
