Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Randomize
