I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
