the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
We had to coat check the pizza.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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