Too much gin, very little bucket
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
