So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
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