I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize