I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
