he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
