I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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