I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
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