Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
