Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
