its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
