i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
