there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
