rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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