it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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