yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
