His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
