the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
