can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
