I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
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