If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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