Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
