just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
