Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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