I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I would fuck him just for his dog
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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