Michael Bay diarrhea
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Randomize
