Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
the liver wants what the liver wants
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
