if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
