It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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