you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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