Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
