I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
