i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
