bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
