i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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