How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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