thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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