Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Randomize
