I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize
