We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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