Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
