Pants 0. Shit 1.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
If I die, sorry about rent.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
