:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
