you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
