Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Randomize
