just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
this hospital has no fireball
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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