My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Randomize
