I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
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