i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Randomize
