I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
