I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Randomize
