Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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