it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
