somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize