I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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