question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
