You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
