it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
