watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
