Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Randomize
