after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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