I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
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