Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
