It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
