i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Help me help you realize you are a moron
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
