I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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