I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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