There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
