Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
