Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Randomize