You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
