I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
How external is "for external use only"?
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
