This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Randomize
