everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
