The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
