i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
