I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
