when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
