It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
