Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
