is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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