Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
