Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Randomize
