I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Houston, we have a blender
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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