I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
