Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
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