how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Randomize