Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
