She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
