Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
