You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Randomize
