You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
