she woke up with a sticky ear
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
