I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Randomize
