OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
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