Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
