why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
