well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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