Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
