I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
3 2 1 whiskey
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
The cops high fived after they tackled you
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
