So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Randomize
