i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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