my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
false alarm, still single
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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