Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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